There must be Christmas in the air; things are looking well for the town.

A great party was had to turn on the lights- despite the weather, and minus a dolly rocker. The lights themselves look great in town, though it would be fair to say, that they could be described as ‘sparse’ in places. Still, the ones that are there, look great, and are in keeping for the borough.

Barnstaple’s food culture is picking up as well. Domino’s pizza store has opened (have you seen how many people are working there? Incredible!). And the service there is brilliant- order online, you can drive straight down, and the order is waiting- very impressive. Would personally recommend the ‘Bacon double cheeseburger’ pizza.

Also, the coffee shop at the end of Butcher’s Row, Cafe Nero, and the Kentucky Fried Chicken at the entrance to Green Lanes are coming along nicely. Put that with the work to the new Burger King at Let’s go Superbowl, and this will not only put us on the map for eatery’s, but also means that there are lots more jobs in the town, which has to be great news.

The next stage is for the town to build on this. People don’t just go out to eat- let’s give them a reason to make a night of it. Let’s go Superbowl have a great idea, with the building of Karaoke Booths for hire.This will ensure that people when out for their food, stay out more often, spending money in the town.

Our cinema in town is great, and is reaping the rewards for lots of improvements made to it in recent times. Combined with the genius which is Orange Wednesday, then the film life in Barnstaple is booming.

So why don’t we copy other successful towns and cities? We could have an out-of-town indoor water park, with slides and eateries. An ice skating rink would do well- perhaps on the Shaplands site (if indeed they ever move, or could it be another Urban Myth?).

This is the first step for a new fresh identity for the town- one for family fun and entertainment in a SAFE and SECURE environemnt.Once business’s and enterprises see what we are capable of, then the money and the facilities will come, as we are already beginning to see.

The next stage for this is clearly New Year’s Eve. Always in the shadow of Bideford, we need to learn from their success, and create a night which gives us a clear branding, and identity for family fun and safety. Let us show what we can do, and leave people feeling great about themselves and the town. I am not talking about copying Bideford, or stealing from them. I am talking about building on their offering, and providing something which runs along side them, not in competition.Then NOrth Devon, not just Bideford, will become the place to be on December 31st each year.

This will then show the community, and interested business’s, that Barnstaple has a lot to going for it, and that it is a natural choice for business investment.

Heck, we may even get a Starbucks. You never know.

I had started with good intentions.

I wanted to be positive in this piece.

To be supportive. To communicate the love I have for this town.

How much I believe in the community, and the local people. To publicly state how much i think we can achieve, if we pull together.

What I think we can be. Who we can be. How others would want to either be with us, or be us.

To inspire.

But sadly, it is not going to happen.

To chat about the places I love.

Like how great the Strand looks in the evening, with its neon blue lights lighting up the tress. It makes me want to walk along there with friends, to celebrate our town.

How great the square looks, with it refreshed clock tower. A new look to an old friend. Bit like how Danni Minogue always look a bit different but at the same time familiar at the start of every new series of x-factor.

But I can’t.

What has taken my muse?

Stolen my inspiration?

Throttled my thrust?

Swallowed my mojo?

(You get the idea).

Simple.

Argos.

It might not even be Argos, specifically. It could be some spotty 21 year old, high on  coca cola, and defended by ‘My Chemical Romance’ on their iPod, which caused them to miss the obvious error.

Or maybe the printers, against a  tight deadline, keen to reach press.

Or it could be the North Devon Gazette who’s standards had slipped to an all time low.

Who ever it is, it has made me mad. Totally and utterly mad. Driven to distraction.

The mistake?

Front page of this week’s Gazette.

Argos, Barnstaple.

Back page of this weeks Gazette.

Argos, BarnstaBle.

AARRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!!

Red rag to a bull.

A bull who hates red rags, and wants to kill anything which has a red rag attached to it, laying beside it, or who has even walked past a red rag.

How low are the  standards to advertise in 2″ letters on the papers cover, where the main local town is SPELT WRONG?

Why not go the whole hog?

Spell Ilfracombe with a Z?

Or have (another) article about how the mayor of Bideford is popping off to America to find his family/ twin town/ media profile (delete as applicable), and instead of having a photo of him, have a picture of roly-poly DJ Chris Moyles?

It is so good that I am not holding up my journalistic skills to sell my paper. I set as low standard as I feel is suitable at the time I type.

This is more. This is a paper. Free, yes. But a paper who relies on advertising.

This is also a national retail chain, launching a new store, encouraging the locals to part with their money in a  credit crunch climate.

And calling the community by the wrong name.

Well, thank you Argos.

You can not bother to spell check, then I can not bother to visit you.

Our community deserves the simple but RESPECTFUL measure of correct spelling.

It is such a small thing, but means so much.

ARGUS.

To thrive in these tough times, people need a reason to spend their money. Constantly (and disproportionately) being town how hard life is by negative media and press, consumers are holding on the pennies tighter- and finding it difficult to let them go.

What folk need is a reason- a reason to speed. Once given that reason, the pennies will start to flow. We dont mind spending, if the perceived value is there; we could spend until we can’t spend no more if we think we are gaining, through tangible or emotional benefits.

Events tick these boxes. A joining together, something which people do not want to miss, and motivates them to attend, will let people, and their money, come to town and increase the local economy.

The great news is that Barnstaple is building it’s reputation as a place to go, and more importantly, why it is a place to go.

Our fair and carnival has for a long time has been a great reason to come to the town. It’s a great time of year where we all come together as a community, and basically, party. The streets are closed for the carnival, and the atmosphere is jovial. It’s the best day of the year in town, and is the biggest reason that I am proud to live here. The fair links to this, and lets grown men eat toffee apples and candy floss in the street.

Top it off with a fireworks display, then we have a sound reason to travel to our town, make a day of it, and spend.

Our reputation is also growing on New Year’s eve. Despite a couple false starts, the evening is getting a great party atmopsphre- hey, it’s always great when we shut the bridge and have some Fireworks. A crowd of a few hundred people going ‘oohhhh’ and ‘arhhhhh’ in the dark can not be anything other than cool.New years eve is always going to be a hard one- with Bideford, and it’s world-wide reputation just 10 miles down the road, it will be hard for us to be anything other than ‘people who could not be arsed to go to Bideford’. But, it is there, and growing.

The recent Food festival has brought hundreds of people to the town, doing what we all like to do- that is, eat. It’s something which we are inheritantaly good at, and to come together, have opinions and scoff of faces, is a winner.

So let’s have another reason to join together. Lets bring back an old friend. Lets celebrate our lunacy, our individuality.

Yes folks, lets bring back the Raft Race.

Throughout the 70′s and 80′s the Barnstaple raft race was a cornerstone of our social year- and everyone came out to celebrate the people who decided to swim with the fish. Starting at Umberleigh, teams, communities, raft down the Taw and finish at the Rock Park, where there is a family fun day. Throw in some Round Table raffle stalls (to win some cuddlies with a ticket as long as it ends in either ’5′ or ’0′), and then you have a great day. Hey,we could even have (another) firework display at the end.

Whilst we are there- why not bring back the Fun Run as well?

Bideford to Barnstaple, along the pre Tarka trail Tarka trail,  it was seen as a bench mark challenge in locals endurance and fitness. It’s demise has a left a hole in the calendar. This challenge has been gladly (and superbly) taken over by the Devon coast to Coast Challenge, but this is not Barnstaple centric. What we need is a physical challenge, where there are teams and communities join together to see who is the best, the strongest, the loudest.

Then we will have a year round appeal, to bring people to us and spend, spend, spend.

Obviously, as long as I dont have to take part. I’m too full on noodles and burgers from the fair.

 

 

Since the moving of the bus station to its new location, the Strand has been struggling to find a new identity. It’s been wondering around like a tramp trying on the odd clothes that he finds- nothing is really fitting.

It’s tried to be our night life area, but this bring little money to the area, and can hardly sustain growth.

Then it was proposed for it to become our cafe quarters, where we can go to relax and sit outside with a coffee.

And it could be working.

With a high class restaurant, the brilliant River Front restaurant, and the new weatherspoons pub open, it is fast becoming the dream.

Yes, there is an accountants in the middle , but hey,  it does not show itself up and does not look out of place.It looks respectable.

There are also pizza and chinese restaurants and a fancy dress shop. The area has been landscaped, and is looking good. Oh! Don’t forget the fountain, and it’s regular stream of washing up liquid attacks, ensuring we ALL get to wash at some point during the year! And with the steady flow of cyclists through from the Tarka trial, then the reputation is set to grow as OH MY GOD -THERE SEEMS TO BE AN ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM- A BIG ‘INN ON THE STRAND’ SHAPED ELEPHANT.

What a state! For every penny of money spent on the area, and it is looking good right now, the area is brought down by the shabby, dire scooby-doo building.

If you have not seen it, it’s a type of building which if you look at for too long, then a ghostly white lady appears at the top window and waves. Then you find out that she died 100 years ago from a dodgy kebab after kick out time, and you start to feel queasy, and need a lie down in a dark room for a bit. Not a great selling point.

The town has done as well as any other through the ‘credit crunch’,, and with the work completed on the Square, and the investment which has been put into the Weatherspoons pub, this part of town could be a central focus for us to move forwards in the next couple years. A place for events and parties to happen- if we can build on the back of  Bideford’s reputation for New Years eve-the rest of the year- then it will help bring people and their money to town, by giving them a reason to.

It also has a sensible link with the shopping part of town, through Cross street, the Square and the lane up besides  The Venue (which looks great). This is something which Ilfracombe suffers for- there is simply no logical, smooth transition between the shopping High Street,and tourist focussed sea front. Barnstaple has it, and it is working. We need to use it and develop it, having street entertainment and REASONS- reasons for people and visitors to go there.

This requires it to be a complete package- and that means bringing a vet to the Elephant, and moving him on.

Great news, Barumites- we have a new son- this time, the roundabout is at…. Shorelands Road!

OUR NEW BABY!

Ahhhhh…. doesn’t it look like it’s father?

It’s less than six months old now, but is already playing a vital role in the smooth running of the busy Barnstaple traffic.  Because gone- GONE I TELL YOU- are the fouling snarl ups at that bottle neck which is The Old Torrington road.

I don’t know about you, but I am so glad. I am so glad that our students at Fraggle- I mean Pet Rock- oh bollocks, North Devon College- can drive their Corsa’s and Nova’s (which they are forced to park on the road due to the sadly inadequate parking facilities in the College- but that’s one for the Journal to run with. Joel, don’t say I dont give you anything) down Shorelands road, and make a smooth exit towards top and Sticklepath Hill- straight into another traffic jam at the next roundabout.

It’s the planner’s karmic smoothness which takes this town screaming and kicking into the 13th century.

But wait- that’s not all. ‘Urban Myth’ is, that it was a condition of planning.

What of, you may ask?

Fraggle Rock changing it’s name?

The new bridge which opened last year?

NO! The urban myth (so called because I don’t know if it is true or not, and can’t be arsed to find out) is that it HAD to be built to have the planning granted on the new house to be built down the road and around the corner towards Broadclose Road. Look, look carefully at the picture above, and you can see a car pulling out of the bit which is quite close to the bit where there are going to build the houses sometime or other, depending on credit crunch. See it?

It is a local of bloody genius which has caused this, and could lead to great things in the area, including.

• Brian from Whiddon Valley, whose planning for a green house has been granted, providing he builds a new roundabout at the Westleigh end of Bideford bridge
• Claire from Braunton, who can only have her garage built, as long as she also funds the new bridge to Lundy, you know, just in case we ever need one.
• And Paul in Chulmleigh, who can have his potted plants in his garden, if he can broker peace in Afghanistan, and sort out those nasty elections.

The future is bright- the future is CO-OPERATION.

One brilliant feature of Barnstaple which it could be said is not publicized enough, are it’s cycle lanes. They are brilliant. Miles and miles of great cycle paths, with great scenic views- this really is a cycling town.

HOWEVER….

There is one bit… and although it does seem to pick one section of about 10 metres out of dozens of miles in the town.. it is worth mentioning.

It goes across the bridge onto the Strand.

Now, without it, you would follow the traffic, make a safe left turn, and away you go.

Not with this path! As a cyclist, you are filtered into it- which is fine so far.

And once into it, it’s OK. But- then it stops you with a ‘give way’ line.

Which is OK, but it’s hard to pick which cars will be turning left on to the Strand- especially at commuting time. Like this car…

You have to ask- why? Why? Without the path, you would stay on the main road, and turn left with a hand signal if needed. If not, stay straight on- and because you are on the road, cars would notice you and take you in to consideration.

This cycle lane- as I said, the only dubious part of literally tens of miles across the town- means that cars and cycles are seperated- then thrown straight back together again, but with extra give way measures. Cars do turn left fast, and not always signalling- cyclists do ride straight down, without checking. A simple situation has been made extra tricky.

Not just us is it? Seriously?

There are several local myths in Barnstaple; route of the link road moved to suit local landowners’ pockets; Jean Jeanie is closing down (ask your parents); and that Shaplands will be moving to Roundswell. *

Granted, the first is rubbish; the second, well, was true; and the third,.. well, lets just say, our Grandchildren will be musing that one.

But let’s be clear- I could have personally moved the factory- brick by brick, machine by machine- myself, in the of time it has taken to get this far- which is, not that far at all.

Yes, we know that there are ‘procedures’; and I dare say that there may be an element of myth one involved; but, come on- HURRY UP!

Why? We need it to finally happen! The town needs it ! The factory needs it!

Flip, the first thing tourist see following the new road from the link road  is this stone age factory and space. We could make this a show piece to look at- a town on the up- a place of prosperity.

Everything is ‘on hold’ pending this marvelous event. The town’s next stage of growth (other than The Inn on the Strand getting tidied up- don’t get me started on that one!) needs it to hurry.

This could be exactly what we need to lift the area out of the so-called credit crunch! Where the Bear Street Shopping centre idea- bold, and exciting, but delusional in its idea of funding- failed, this could be a winner, due to the new business and opportunities it would bring to the town.

What will more than likely happen is that they will get the green light, and then they will hire Hailey’s Comet removals to shift it.

Or is it just me moving it myself? One brick, two bricks, three bricks…  would still be quicker.

* 8/10- Update- Thought of another Barnstaple urban myth! That Cedars roundabout is built 2 foot to the wrong side. Great one.

In all their glory… (listed under their local knicknames)

1. Portmore
2. Tesco’s
3. In between Tesco’s and Homebase
4. Back of Tesco’s car park
5. McDonalds, Whiddon Valley
6. Victoria Road
7. TA centre
8. Queen Street
9. New one by Rock Park
10. One in Rock Park
11. Mermaid Cross
12. Old Health Centre
13. That one with those Stones on
14. One at bottom of Sticklepath Hill
15. One going into Brian Fords Car Park from the Train Station
16. Cedars
17. Sainsburys
18. Going into Sainsburys
19. One by Sainsburys Garage
20. Comet
21. End of roundswell (Wester-moor way)
22. Shorelands road (WTF is this one there for?)
23. Top of Sticklepath hill
24. Forches
25. Bicton Street
26. Westaway Close
27. Sheep skin Factory
28. Park School
29. Bishops Tawton
30. Hospital Entrance
31. Link road, you know, where you turn to go into Sticklepath and the new bridge. One with all those lanes around it.
32. Halfords
33. One at end of Park and Ride where the bus’s turn around
34. Roundswell
35. Oakland Avenue

Any more? Post your comments below!

It was late. The term had finished, and quite frankly, the principle was tired, and glad he could unwind.

The clients in the Corner House were their usual jolly self, and singing along with Robbie Williams ‘Angels’ for the third consecutive time. The head of the car parking department, Terry, was buying his round for himself and the Principle- two Malibu sunrise’s, with extra gin.After conquering 5 drinking games and 12 pints, they were just getting into their flow.

‘We need a change; Barnstaple needs a change’, declared the Principle. His colleague agreed- though it did take the form of an out of tune chorus.

The principle slugged his drink, and got to thinking. Suddenly- it hit him- change the college name!

‘That’s it! Just because it has never worked elsewhere,it could work here- we are different!

The next drinking game they were scheduled to play was your porn name- taken from their first pets name combined with their favorite kids program. Terry was called Fluffy Magpie, and the Principle was to be called Tiddles Fraggle Rock.

‘Thats it!’ shout Tiddles, in an annoying repetivness that only served to prove his level of sobriety. We shall call it ‘Fraggle Rock’! It’s imaginative! Its now! It will get people in Cornwall jealous’. This surprised Fluffy- he did not even know where Cornwall was.

‘Bet you won’t’ said Fluffy. ‘How much?’ demanded Tiddles. ‘£330,000!’ shouted Fluffy- before vomiting into his lap. The Principle soon joined him. Just before he passed out, he was determined that he would get it right at the launch- This would be his defining moment. It would be bold. It would be magical- and put Barnstaple on the map. ‘Fraggle Rock- the College.’ It had emotion.

—————————————————————————————————————————————–

The next day at the press launch, Tiddles was hungover. He could remember the conversation, but the words had escaped him. He also wondered if the tattoo on his arse did make him sexy.

He did remember the bet. Money matters. But hey- he was sure there was an expenses account he could fob it all off to if it went wrong.

But it was too late now- he had to wing it. Now… what was it… cats… Fraggle Rock…Cornwall…. oh fuck it, no one will notice.

—————————————————————————————————————————————–

With his money,  Fluffy has now moved to Tiverton, and works at The East Devon College, counting the cutlery. Tiddles got away with it, and no one spotted the money going missing. The launch inspired a thousand Facebook groups, and the locals kept calling it North Devon College, which returned to being it’s official name, just before it’s move to Seven Brethren.

In 2025.

Welcome to the NEW blog about our town- Barnstaple, North Devon.

Honest, critical, and supportive, this will grow into a reflective view of the town, people and the number of roundabouts we have.

Coming from a warm and caring place, it will be a soap box for all the things which does not make the North Devon Journal. Or does make, but need to be watered down.

Actually, it may even be about the Journal, if it is wrong. Which it sometimes is.

Anyway. There you go.

M’dear.